Counting Stars
by BrittanaBoobs
Summary: Brittana. Brittany and Santana have been best friends for most of their lives but somehow they grew apart. When tragedy strikes, will it bring them closer again? Rated M for language, flashbacks and maybe smut...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N so this is another story I started on. It may not be a smart thing of me to have two stories going but I really wanted to upload this since it has been in my head for a while. I don't know how often I will update this story, I just write when I'm inspired and in the mood(Same goes for my other story).**

**A few side notes to this story:**

**Mostly AU**

**Britt and San have been friends since they were 5.**

**They never 'officially' dated, they had a couple dates and went as **

**far as second base.**

**Britt had to repeat senior year.**

**Bram(Yuck!) will be a couple for the first few chapters.**

**San lives in NY with Kurt and Rachel, she also goes to NYU.**

**Sorry for the long A/N... I hope you like it. Any ideas are welcome :)**

**R&R**

Chapter 1

New York, 12.24pm

_San's pov_

I walk out of 'Danny's Diner' with a smile on my face. I just scored a job and yea... it may just be a waitressing job but I don't care. At least now I can make some extra money.

I was lucky they hired me though, the interviews I went on before didn't want me cuz I won't be able to work regular times with my college schedule.I'm going to NYU to learn everything about music. It has always been my passion and it's my dream to have my own record label some day.

My mom gave me some cash when I decided to move here, she and my dad also set up a bank account for me which they add money to every month.I don't wanna be completely dependent on my parents' money hence why I looked for jobs. It's also nice to have some extra cash when I go out.

I pull my coat tighter around my body and make my way towards Starbucks. I'm really craving a Caramel Latte with extra cream right now. Oh... and a delicious chocolate cupcake.

_Mmmmm..._

I'm almost there when my phone rings, I pull it out of my pocket and roll my eyes at the Caller ID. I bet they just want to check up on me and see if I got the job...

"What do you want Hobbit?" I answer with a sigh.

_"Uh... San, where are you?"_ she replies and I frown.

This is is going on, I know this for a few reasons, well besides the obvious reason that she doesn't start to talk in paragraphs like usual.

1. Berry didn't correct or complained about the name calling, which makes it less fun for me.

2. She called me San. Nobody but one person calls... well _called_ me that.

3. Her voice sounds somber and doesn't have that annoying cheery tone it usually has.

"Berry, what's going on?" I ask starting to get a little worried as I hear somebody in the background whisper something to her.

_"I-I can't answer that. W-where are you? Can you just come back to the loft as fast as you can?" _she rambles quickly.

_What the hell is going on?!_

"Okay... You're kinda freaking me out a little," I say and turn around to make my way back to the loft, "I'll be there in like 5min and then you are gonna tell me everything."

_God, I hope for her sake that it's something worth my precious coffee time_

_"See you in 5." _she rushes out and hangs up. I hold my phone in front of my face and stare at it. _Yep, she hung up on me. So not Berry-like_

I shake my head and quickly walk towards the loft. I wonder what is sooo important that I need to come back. It's not like Berry to not just blab about whatever that is going on.

**about 10min later**

I finally walk inside our building and quickly make my way up the stairs. The walk back took longer than I hoped for... _Damn all them people getting in my damn way_

I grab my key and open the door. I close it again and look around. My stomach drops a little at the atmosphere inside of the loft. It is very tense and... _sad_?

I walk further into our living room and see Rachel crying on the couch. Kurt is sitting next to her, rubbing her back while crying silently as well.

"What's going on?" I decide to just ask the question that's been on my mind ever since the phone call.

They both seem to be shaken out of their thoughts by my voice. Rachel opens and closes her mouth a few times but only soft whimpers escape.

"Please tell me what is wrong. You two are really freaking me out." I say while staring at the crying pair.

"You, you should sit down Santana." Kurt says while wiping his tears away.

I just shake my head and keep standing.

"Speak up." I demand a little while crossing my arms in front of my chest. It's like a defense mechanism.

They look at each other as if to decide who and how they are gonna tell me it.

"We-we got a ph-phone call." Kurt starts off with a shaky voice, "It's... They..."

I look at them with confusion written on my face. _What kinda call? What happened?_

"So man-y got h-hurt.". Rachel mumbles, it seems like she is in shock.

_Hurt?! Who is hurt?! What the hell happened?!_ I'm getting even more confused than I already was.

"Rachel... Kurt... What happened? Tell me." I beg them but I'm afraid for the answer.

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. Whatever they are gonna tell me next is not going to be good.

"There... There was a sh-shooting..." Rachel says and I can't seem to hear anything else for a few seconds.

"A shooting? Where? What happened? Who got hurt?" Questions come flowing out of my mouth before it actually really registers in my head.

"At Breadstix... They... It's not good, Santana..." Kurt says and I shake my head.

There couldn't have been a shooting at Breadstix. It's in freaking Lima... Nothing ever happens there.

"What? Who was there? Please tell me everybody is okay.." My mind immediately goes to the blonde who used to be my best friend...

She used to be my world, she _still_ is my world... even though she never knew that.

_Wait! She wasn't there right? Omg she has to be okay_

"We only he-heard a couple t-things. Finn was sh-shot in his a-arm... Jacob in h-his leg... Tina, Kitty and S-Sam have a few in-injuries from p-people running a-away." Kurt stutters out but it's like he is just in a trance.

I feel a few tears roll down my cheeks, I can feel my body start to tremble.

"And B-Britt? She... she wasn't th-there r-right?" I choke out nervously, too scared to hear the answer.

They both look up at me and it's clear that she was indeed inside. I slowly start to shake my head. _No! Nooo! She has to be fine!_

"Pl-please... T-tell me sh-sh-she's okay." I beg them again.

Kurt slowly stands up and moves towards me but I walk backwards away from him.I keep shaking my head as more tears fall down my face and my body starts to tremble even more.

"San..." he softly whispers and tries to reach out to me but I keep backing away from him.

"She has to be okay. Tell me she is okay!" I demand loudly.

"I c-can't. She... San, Brittany got h-hurt really badly... They... They don't know..." Kurt tells me but I cut him off.

"NO! Don't you dare finish that sentence! She has to be okay. She... Kurt, she h-has to be..." I say and start to break down.

My back hits the wall but I don't even really feel it. I can't feel anything... I'm just numb.

Tears roll quickly down my cheeks, like damn waterfalls. My body is shaking badly and my chest is so tight that I start to choke. I hear a gasp as my knees give out and I collapse to the ground. My body quickly gets wrapped up in strong arms and I just break down completely.

I don't hear anything else, the only words in my head are: _'Britt. Shooting. Britt. Hurt. Britt. Shooting...'_

_I can't lose her... I have so much to tell her. I need to apologize to her, I... She needs to know that I love her... That I'm in love with her..._

It can't be too late... It can't be...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks for the favs, follows and reviews. It means a lot to me. **

**Quick note: The first couple chaps will be about the first 24hrs after the shooting. There will be a small time jump around chap 7-9 most likely, but overall this story will be pretty slow paced.**

**I hope you enjoy this chap. Let me know what you think. ****R&R **

Chapter 2

Lima, 4.08pm

_San's pov_

The four of us are sitting in a rented car on our way towards the hospital. Kurt is driving and holding Rachel's hand in her lap. Quinn is sitting next to me in the back, squeezing my hand every couple min to let me know she is here. It's keeping me a little grounded.

After my breakdown at the loft, Rachel got a phone call from Quinn. She said she was on her way towards the loft and that she already booked a flight to Lima for the four of us. We didn't even think of that, we were way too wrapped up in our heads, thank god we have Quinn to lead and keep us collected.

We all packed our bags in a hurried daze... Well actually Quinn packed most of my bag because when I found Britt's old Cheerio hoodie, I broke down again...

A harder squeeze pulls me away from numbly staring out of the window. I shake my head to focus on the area around me and notice that we are at the hospital. I swallow thickly as the reality of the situation slowly starts to hit me. I turn my head towards Quinn when she squeezes my hand again.

"We're here. You ready?" she softly asks me.

I look outside at the large building and swallow the lump in my throat before looking back to her and slowly nodding my head.

We all silently step out of the car. Kurt and Rachel continue to hold hands as they walk in front of us into the building. I cross my arms in front of my chest and send a small but grateful smile to Quinn when her hand settles on my lower back.

I keep my gaze lowered to the ground. I hate hospitals. The noises around me all sound weird to me, they are clear but also not clear. It's like that underwater feeling, you can hear people talking but you have no idea what they are saying.

I hear Kurt talk to the nurse behind the desk, I know that voice so I slowly lift my head. The nurse recognizes me since both my parents work here and I have been here a couple times myself. _And with Britt…_

Sonia's and my eyes connect and she leads us to a private waiting room where everybody else is sitting. Kurt and Rachel immediately run towards Finn who is sitting in a wheelchair with a sling on his arm.

Quinn walks over towards Puck and Mercedes. She hugs them tightly and moves towards the others in the room to give them a hug too.

I keep standing frozen in the doorway. I don't know where to look. A silent tear slides down my face but I quickly wipe it away.

I slowly look around the room. Everybody looks at me with sad eyes. My eyes then land on Mr. Pierce who is holding Britt's younger sister Amy-Linn tightly in his arms.

Mrs. Pierce is standing at a window staring outside while tears slowly roll down her cheeks. Quinn walks towards her to give her a quick hug and hands her a tissue.

"Tana!" a little voice pulls me from my gazing and also from my frozen state.

I look at the 5yr old boy, who is almost an exact copy of his oldest sister, running towards me with his stuffed bear, Billy. I kneel down and open my arms for him to run in to.

"Hey, Nicky." I say softly as I wrap my arms around his little body.

I kiss his head as he wraps his arms tightly around my neck. He kisses my cheek and I can feel everybody staring at us when I stand up with him in my arms.

"Britty hurt." Nicholas pouts up at me. I find a seat and sit down with him on my lap. He moves his head away from me so he can look at me.

"I know buddy. But the docs here are trying to make Britt better." I say softly to him.

"Do you think magic kisses would help?" he asks innocently and I smile a little at him.

When we were younger and one of us got hurt, we would kiss the spot that hurt to make it better. Whenever Nicky got hurt we would do the same, he actually came up with the term 'magic kisses'.

"I wish... But we can try when we see her, we will just have to give her as many magic kisses as we can." I tell him and he seems satisfied with the answer.

He cuddles into my chest and I hold him tightly. I kiss his head and look up at the others. Most of them are staring in shock at me while some just send small smiles at me. I look towards Britt's parents and see Nathan smiling gratefully at me.

Susan walks over to me and sits down next to me. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me into her side.

_"Thank you."_ she whispers in my ear and I look up at her in confusion. She sees my expression and starts to explain.

"Nicky has been restless since we got here, he keeps asking questions that we can't answer... I'm glad you're here. We need you... _Britt_ needs you..." she trails off.

I just nod my head and look down at the little blond boy in my lap. I smile a little when I see that he has fallen asleep.

I keep my eyes on him while my thoughts drift off to Britt...

_Sam's pov_

I'm pissed. So pissed.

Why did she have to come here? She has nothing to do with Lima anymore, she should've stayed in New York.

I'm even more pissed and hurt by the fact that Britt called out for her when we were in the ambulance...

_I'm her freaking boyfriend! _

I take a few deep breaths to calm down. This is not the time to be mad. This is about Britt being hurt, she needs us... She needs me...

Nobody else, just me and her family. Santana is not a part of that family anymore.

I stare at the Latina sitting across the hall with Britt's little brother in her lap and her mom next to her. I don't really understand that. Nicholas didn't want anything to do with anyone, all he wanted was Britt but no... Miss Santana walks in and he runs towards her.

And why is Mrs. Pierce holding and whispering things to her? She never came to me since we came here... Neither did Mr. Pierce…

They have never been like that with me, I come to realize. Whenever I went over to the Pierce home, they were always friendly with me but they act differently when Santana is around or mentioned.

I know Britt and Santana used to be close to each other when I first came here but they seemed to have grown apart...

I know Britt misses her but she would never admit that... I also don't know in what way she misses her...

I frown a little as a thought crosses my mind. _She couldn't be... No... Stop being ridiculous..._

I slowly start to remember how Britt acted around me, how she always brought up San in some way. Even when it had nothing to do with her at all.

I always found that weird. Why would you think and talk so much about your best friend? _Wait... Were they even just best friends?_

Slowly some of the puzzle pieces start to come together in my head and I realize something that I have been thinking for a while, but have always pushed those thoughts away…

_No, they couldn't be... could they?_

A few hours later

_San's pov_

We have been in the waiting room for hours now, some have gone to see Britt but I just couldn't. I don't wanna see my best friend like that.

The doctor came out an hour ago after checking on Britt... There wasn't really any change in her condition. But the words he said shocked everybody. I heard gasps and mumbles but they weren't clear.

Everything just froze but I quickly snapped out of that, I needed to hear everything. I needed to know how Britt is doing. But I'd never thought I would hear those words... _Ever_... At least not about Britt, my bestie... My... _My love..._

Doctor Johnson told us about her injuries, Britt got shot in her stomach. I don't remember what organs got hit exactly but they said she had lost a lot of blood.

Some of the gleeks said that they saw Britt hit her head hard on a table and then on the ground when she collapsed.

She went into surgery the minute she got here. He... he said that... her heart stopped twice... They had to shock her...

I thought I was about to pass out when he told us that, her mom's loud gasp and sobs keeps ringing in my head. Those sounds are something I will never forget.

Dr. Johnson told us that Britt is very strong, that she is a fighter. Of course I knew that already, we all did. But... He also said that because she hit her head so hard that her brain started to swell up a little...

He told us that she needed a lot of rest... And to risk less damage to her brain, they decided to put her in a medical induced coma to reduce the swelling of her brain and to give her body time to get stronger.

The words that really broke me were the last things he said_: 'She is in a coma, we will start to wake her up slowly in a few days. Her condition is very serious and there might be a chance that she won't remember things or is unable to move certain limbs when she wakes up. There is also a chance that she might not wake up at all...'_

After that I didn't hear anything anymore, I was under water again but this time I was also having trouble breathing. I ran out of the room as fast as I could. I ran to a secret supply closet and curled into myself. In here I can cry and sob as hard as I want, nobody will hear me.

I stay here for a long time. The words '_coma_' and '_might not wake up..._' keep repeating in my head. I shake my head to get rid of these dark thoughts.

I only think about Britt, my Britt... I focus on her baby blue eyes that I used to stare in for hours...

And the way her body moved when she danced, it's like her body is the dance. She was made for it.

But the thing I mostly think about are her different smiles, her special smile she only sends to me... The smile that made me fall in love with her...

I need to tell her... She needs to know but... I don't know if I can see her... All I know is that I can't lose her, she has to be fine.

_I really can't lose her, I just can't... __I __need__ her..._

_"I need you Britt..."_ I whisper to myself as sobs rack through my body and I break down once again...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N thanks for the reviews and to answer a few:**

**Naynayrivers428: I won't have Britt be in a coma for too long, that would be way too hard on my Brittana heart. She will wake up soon… maybe**

**Glee4ever123: I honestly love reading your reviews that you leave on my fics, they always make me smile. And I know right, Bram is yuck but I had to have at least one annoying guy in my fic lol. I do however have some tricks up my sleeve and I know you will be pleased with that :)**

**So now I present you the 3****rd**** chap of the story. It's all from Mr. Pierce's pov. I hope you enjoy it. R&R**

Chapter 3

_Nathan's pov_

_My poor little B...How could this have happened to her? _

My whole world is falling apart. I can't lose my little girl. My Dancing Queen...

When we got the call about Britt being in the hospital, my world came crashing down. We didn't know what had happened or how badly hurt she was until we arrived at the hospital.

We immediately got in the car and drove here. When we walked in there were cops and parents everywhere, almost everybody was crying. We were sent to a waiting room and that's when we saw the group of friends and classmates of Britt sitting down. They all looked very shaken up and were also very emotional.

It slightly confused me but it worried me a lot more. I asked what had happened and where B was but nobody could give me an answer in the state they were in. I demanded an answer though so I raised my voice a little.

I have never raised my voice before so everyone, including my teary eyed wife gave me a weird and shocked look. I apologized for scaring them but I just really needed to know how my Bee was.

Right as one of the kids, I believe it was Noah Puckerman, was gonna answer, a doctor and two cops asked to talk with us in private.

I couldn't believe the words I heard. My wife started to sob loudly, I held her tightly while my own tears made their way down my cheeks but I was frozen. I couldn't speak, I couldn't even think straight. All I could do was hold my wife and think about my daughter.

About 30min later we decided to sit with the 'Gleeks' as Britt calls them. We talked a little about what happened at Breadstix and asked how they were doing.

When I looked at my watch I remembered that my two younger kids were about to be let out of school for the day. I kissed my wife and told her I loved her before making my way to their schools to pick them up. While I drove there I kept thinking how I was gonna tell them about it.

Amy-Linn, our 7yr old, could tell that something was going on. She can read people like an open book, a quality Britt has too...

She hugged me tightly but didn't ask me what was going on, which I was grateful about at that time. We drove in silence to Nicholas' school. He came running towards us with the biggest smile, that seemed to pull me out of my frozen state and even got me to smile too.

He didn't notice the tense atmosphere in the car while we drove towards the hospital. He just happily talked about his day, it was a welcome distraction at that moment to be honest.

Before we walked into the hospital I pulled both of them aside and crouched down. I took their hands and explained why we were there. Amy went silent and Nicky just started asking questions as you do when you're 5 and have no idea about what is really going on.

I answered as best as I could and tried to keep my emotions at bay, I didn't want to upset my kids. We shared one of our 'Family Hugs' and together we walked inside.

We sat in the waiting room silently, we could only hear the people outside the room talking as they passed by. Sometimes one of us in the room would say something or offered to go get drinks or food.

Amy just stayed close to me, she was either sitting next to me or on my lap. Nicky however couldn't sit still and kept asking questions like:

_Where is Britty? Can we see Britty? Why is everybody sad? Where is Tana, she would cheer us up like she always does _

That boy sure loves Santana, we do too. When he asked about her I started to wonder about her. Santana is B's best friend since well almost ever...

I'm not sure what happened between Britt and her though but I know for a fact that Britt misses her a lot. Even though something is definitely going on with those two, we'd still needed to let Santana know about what happened. These were her friends too and I know how important Britt is to her.

I don't even know how it happened but something seemed very off when Britt started dating that 'Sam' guy. I never even knew they were friends since the only people B hung out most with were Santana(_duh_), Quinn, Mike and Tina.

She never really mentioned a 'Sam'. I guess it just has to do with the fact that they were in senior year together and that they knew each other for that Glee Club. She doesn't nearly look as happy with Sam than she does with Santana, at least from what I have seen.

Which is kinda weird, I mean I know Britt and Santana were unbelievably close but for some reason they aren't anymore. Maybe it was the distance between them that drove them apart, but something was already going on before that…

I do wonder though if they were more than just best friends and that that might have driven a wedge between them... I definitely had my doubts about it.

I mean they used to be a two-shot. Where Britt was, was Santana and vice versa. Always smiling, the pinky linking. They were always touching in some way and were almost always giggling.

My wife and I have caught them in weird situations multiple times. Like them sitting close together and jumping apart quickly when one of us entered the room. Some of the 'puzzle pieces' are coming together in my head now but I have no idea what the 'puzzle' is or even what it looks like.

If I'm completely honest I don't like B dating Sam. If I could choose who she should date, it would be Santana. I can see how happy and free she is around her. Same goes for Santana.

I have seen some of the looks they gave each other and how sad they got when they couldn't talk or hang out with each other. When she is with Britt she seems less tense and she isn't as bitchy as we all know she can be. She is good to Britt and never called her the 'S' word...

And I don't have anything against Sam, he is just very odd and he doesn't make Britt happy. I can tell by the way she acts whenever he came over, which also wasn't very often.

He just doesn't feel right for my Britt... _Maybe Britt doesn't really like him like that…_

I can't believe that only now I'm realizing how miserable my Britt has truly been these past couple months. I can't believe I was that blind. The sad looks, the pout that almost never left her face. I know B can hide her sad sides very good sometimes but how did I not notice this?

Her face would light up whenever Santana's name was mentioned. Her eyes never lid up completely though, I just linked it to her missing Santana cuz she was in NY where she should be too.

I open my eyes with a sigh and shake my head at myself before I look around the waiting room. Most of the kids have left to either go home or stay with the others who also got hurt for another hour. The only people here in the room with me are Quinn, Sam, Noah, Mercedes, my two youngest kids and my wife.

Amy and Nicky are both laying on the big couch in the room, thankfully asleep. I was glad when Santana came here since Nicky kept asking for her. She is so good with him and he simply adores her. Thankfully he fell asleep quickly after she held him.

I smile softly when I think back about him snuggled into Santana's chest. My thoughts get interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket. I take it out and see that it's a text from our oldest son Logan who flew in from LA after he heard about what had happened.

**-I'm here. Which room? Lo.- **

I quickly text him the room number of the waiting room and put my phone in my pocket again. I look at my wife next to me and kiss her cheek. She sends me a grateful smile before laying her head on my shoulder. I hold her tightly and a knock on the door a few min later pulls us from our thoughts.

Logan silently walks inside and immediately hugs us tightly.

"How's Britt? How are you? What happened?" he quickly asks as he sits down next to my wife.

"There was a... a shooting. B got shot and hit her head hard. They... They had to put her in a c-coma. It's just a waiting game for now." I struggle to get the words out.

I see his face pale a little before he looks up at us.

"I love you," he tells us looking into our eyes before continuing, "B is strong. She will fight and get better. She will wake up and then immediately ask how quickly she can dance again."

We all quietly chuckle at that.

"That's true. Dancing is everything to her." Quinn chimes in softly before looking down at her phone when it goes off.

"Sorry." she mumbles and looks at her phone.

We explain a little more to Logan and he tells us he will take the kids home in about an hour. We are so grateful for him. He is a good guy.

We get interrupted by Quinn's soft voice a few minutes later.

"Uhm... Maribel just texted me. She said Santana didn't come home yet and that she can't reach San on her phone. She asked if she is still here. I haven't seen her since the doctor came in here a few hours ago."

My eyebrows furrow as I look around the room. Santana was really quiet when she got here so I didn't really notice her but come to think about it, I haven't actually seen her since then either.

"I haven't seen her. I hope she is okay." my wife answers.

Before I can answer myself, an image of her walking out of the room before the doctor left flashes through my mind.

"Hold on, I think I might know where she is." I say as I stand up.

"I'm gonna look for her. If she is where I think she is it won't take too long," I say to the group and turn back towards my wife, "I will be back as soon as I can. If the doc comes back..."

"I will text you, sweetheart." my wife interrupts with a small smile.

I kiss her softly on the lips and leave a peck on her nose before turning around and walking through the hallways to my destination.

We used to come here often with Britt getting hurt in during motocross trainings and games or her falling during a dance lesson. Or even her being her wild, active self. Like one time she broke her arm after falling off of the bed and San got really quiet.

I didn't know why she acted like that at the time, since she usually was pretty talkative. After Britt got her cast on, we couldn't find Santana anywhere. We looked all over the hospital and I finally found her in this supply closet that apparently not a lot of people knew about.

I will never forget the image of a 10yr old Santana wrapped up in a little ball, quietly crying to herself. The girl was so scared that we were gonna be mad at her and kept blaming herself for not paying better attention to Britt.

It makes a small smile show up on my face when remembering how caring San was about Britt. She was so protective about B even when she was little, it was really cute. And with the years her caring and protectiveness only grew.

I make my way down an almost abandoned hallway and stop in front of a closed door. I put my ear against the door and listen carefully for any sounds.

The sounds I hear break my heart, I know to whom these sniffles and sobs belong. I heard them that day too… _Yea, I definitely found Santana._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Here we go with chap4. I took me a little longer to upload this chap. I have been babysitting my baby cousin a lot lately(He is only 16 days older than Heather's little boy FYI, they could be perfect best friends, just have to kidnap him and move to LA lol).**

**I will be focusing more on this story since I actually have an outline up to chap 10 for this story, I just need to type them out.**

**Glee4ever123: I hope you won't hate me and also who loves Sam anyways? I mean seriously… He is just an ass lol**

**I love getting reviews, it helps me write and if you have some criticism about anything that I write, you can tell me about it and I will try to fix it. **

**Hope you enjoy this chap. R&R **

Chapter 4

_San's pov_

I don't know how long I have been here in this closet hiding from everybody. It has probably been a few hours now. Nobody misses me apparently since nobody is looking for me.

I'm still curled up into myself and the tears won't stop falling from eyes. I want to stop crying but I can't. I just need Britt.

She was always the strong one. Yea… I always acted like I'm strong but it was usually Britt who held me together. She would know the mood I was in with just one look and immediately know what to do.

She would know if I had a bad day and would try to cheer me up with either holding me tightly or just making jokes. She would even go as far to watch scary video's with me cuz she knows I find it funny whenever she jumps at a scary part.

If I would've been here, she might not have even been here in this damn hospital fighting for her life. I would've protected her cuz that's what I do. It's what I'm supposed to do…

It's all my fault. I fucked up so badly, it's my fault that we grew apart. I just didn't understand what was happening. Suddenly I started to have these _feelings_ for her, my best friend… who is a _girl._

It freaked me out. I'm not the best with feelings, I'd rather hide them and never talk about them… except with Britt. But these things I felt, I couldn't tell her. I needed to understand them for myself first before I could talk to her.

We had a talk a few months after I realized my feelings for her but I never told her about my true feelings, I never had the guts to do that. I tried to tell her that I was in love with her but I chickened out every time. So finally I just told her that I liked her a lot. She told me she liked me a lot too and we never really talked about it again after that.

Instead we just did more things together and even went on these 'pretend' dates. It wasn't pretending to me though, they were very real to me. Even if it was just watching a movie and cuddling with her.

But then I started to get stuck in my head again. Daydreaming about our future. Thinking about what other people would say about us, about me. I started to hide my feelings again, well some I started to hide even _more._

I kept telling myself that I should stop being such a coward and to just finally ask her out on a date. I had it all planned out. I would take her to a fancy restaurant, us both dressed up in beautiful dresses. She would of course look _way_ better than me.

We'd take a walk in the park where I would finally tell her about my feelings for her. And maybe, maybe she would feel the same for me. But every time that thought entered my mind, I started to doubt it. I started to make up those '_what if'_ scenarios in my head and got even more distant.

I wanted to tell her when I got back to Lima when we had a break. I just miss her so much. NY was our dream, we would go to college together and share an apartment but that never happened…

And now everything might be too late…

She is in a damn coma cuz some fucking bastard decided to shoot some bullets around in Breadstix. Even if she would make it out, she would probably not even want to see me…

She probably doesn't even think of me anymore… I mean we were growing apart already during the summer before Senior Year. That whole year was just a blur to me.

We didn't hang out a lot anymore, I was too busy with school and trying to avoid my feelings for her to notice the distance that was starting to get between us. And then _that day_ happened…

Britt told me that she wasn't graduating… How could I have missed that? How did I not notice that she was struggling?

_Probably cuz you were so fucking up your own ass denying your feelings_

I hit my head again in anger. I'm still so mad at myself. I'm her best friend and I didn't see that she was having a hard time in school. I'm mad at myself but I'm mad at her too cuz she never told me, I'm mad at her cuz it hurts. _Everything_ hurts.

But like always, I can't stay mad at Britt. She is the best thing in this world. She can light up every room with the simplest of smiles.

I've been so lost without her in NY, it's just not the same without her. All I really know is that I can't lose her, she needs to get better. She needs to wake up.

I know I partly lost her and our connection but if I would lose her completely I think I might just die as well…

_Nathan's pov_

I've been standing here for a few minutes now trying to think of something to say once I open the door. I finally decide to just knock on the door.

"_Santana?"_ I softly ask after I get no response. I press my ear against the door again and the only things I hear are quiet sobs and her talking to herself.

I quietly open the door and quickly wipe a tear away from my cheek. I don't even remember when I started to tear up… But this sight in front of me might be the reason. I move closer and kneel down in front of her tiny, curled up body that shakes with a choked sob every now and then.

"Santana?" I ask her softly and she quickly whips her head up at hearing my voice.

Her eyes trace around my face for a few seconds before her lower lip starts to tremble again. I sit down next to her on the floor and pull her into my body. I wrap my arm around her little waist and pull her head against my chest.

"Shhh. It's okay." I whisper softly as I rub her back soothingly.

She starts to tremble even more and starts to shake her head. Suddenly she jerks her head away from me.

"No! It's not okay! B… Sh-she is in a f-fucking hospital-al. She is h-hurt! And I'm j-just s-s-sitting here l-like a f-f-ucking pa-pathe-tic baby." She chokes out and I can see the anger in her eyes.

She starts to push away from me but I keep my hold on her.

"It's m-my f-ault. I sh-should h-h-have pro-protected her. I sh-should've b-been here!" she is starting to scream now. Her head is turning red in anger.

"Santana." I call out her name but she doesn't hear me. She just keeps scolding and yelling at herself for not being here.

I grab both her wrists with one hand so she can't hit herself or my chest anymore. I move my other hand to her cheek to make her look up at me after I call her name again and getting no reaction.

She finally stops and looks up at me with red puffy eyes. Her breathing is very erratic and I know that if she doesn't calm down soon that she will give herself a panic attack.

"You need to calm down. Take some deep breaths." I tell her and she nods her head before doing as I told her.

I wait till she has calmed down and pull her into my chest again when she starts to cry softly again. I pull her onto my lap and rub her back soothingly. I kiss her head while a few tears escape from my own eyes.

"This is not your fault. Nobody could've done anything. Please don't blame yourself for this." I tell her softly and wait till she nods her head against my chest.

"I j-just can't lose her…"She says softly and I squeeze her a little tighter before she continues again, "Sh-she is my b-best friend… I lo-…"

She stops but I know what she wants to tell me. _I love her…_

"You love her." I say and she pulls her head away from me.

"H-how, how did you know?" she questions me before starting to slightly freak out a little. I just continue to rub her back soothingly.

"Well, I actually didn't realize it until today… I think I have always kinda known that you loved her. The way you were with Britt and how you acted around her… I could see it clearly but I never truly realized it until a few hours ago. And before you freak out about it, I'm okay with it." I tell her with a small smile.

She looks up at me with the word 'shock' practically written all over her face. It's actually a quite funny look and I would probably laugh at it if it weren't such a serious topic we are talking about.

"Y-you, you are?" she asks me with big eyes. She traces my face with her eyes as if to look for any doubt or lies but all I do is just smile at her to show that what I said is the truth.

"I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately. I kept thinking of the times when Britt was younger. Those few years before you two met and became friends, she would get hurt and she would cry a lot. Mostly just cuz of the panic instead of the pain.

But after she met you and fell or got hurt, you'd be there to comfort her. You'd make sure she was completely looked after and you'd do anything to cheer her up. It never took you longer than 5min to have her smiling again." I say with a small smile as I think back to a particular memory.

Santana just stares at me and doesn't respond to what I said so I decide to just continue.

"Remember when you were about 10 and she fell off the bed after you told her numerous times to not jump on it?" I ask her and see her scrunch her face up in a slightly pained expression at the memory.

When Britt fell that day… She screamed murder, I was sure the neighbors would call the cops. I hope to never hear those pained screams again, not from her, not from my other kids, not from Santana… from nobody.

I look down at Santana and see her slightly nod her head while resting her head against my chest again before she softly mumbles, "I was so scared when that happened. I thought it was all my fault."

"But it wasn't your fault and I do know you still think it's your fault. Don't even try to deny it, Sanita Bonita." I tell her while using an old nickname I gave her when she was about 6 or 7.

"Really, Mr. Pierce? The nickname?" San asks me while shooting me a playful glare.

"What? You used to love it and now I'm just sticking with it so you better just deal with it." I tell her pointedly. We have a playful stare-off before we both start to laugh at our ridiculousness, before I continue, "And I am Nate to you, you know that. Mr. Pierce is my father and I ain't _that_ old."

"Well…" Santana mumbles and shoots me a playful look while I fake an offended look. We laugh and chuckle for a few min before it turns slightly serious again. I slowly go on with my story again.

"When I arrived in her room you were holding her and trying to distract her from the pain she was feeling. You were telling her some kinda story about a magical unicorn that had a big pond with ducks or something." I chuckle out a little, Santana quickly following too.

"I could see the look of adoration in Britt's eyes as you told her that story and I could see the love you had for her in your eyes. I knew from that day that you'd do anything possible to protect her and to make her happy."

I look down at Santana and see a silent tear roll down her face. She doesn't move to wipe it away or anything. She just stares down at her hands. I squeeze her waist and she slowly looks up at me.

"I can still see the love you have for her in your eyes. I need you to stop blaming yourself for this cuz it wasn't your fault. Just like that day when she broke her arm from falling off the bed." I tell her and don't let my eyes leave her face until more tears start to fall from her eyes.

I pull her closer to me as she presses her face against my chest and starts to cry. I rub her back and just keep holding her for as long as she needs me to. After a few minutes she mumbles something into my chest, I can't hear it so she says it again.

"I'm trying. It's just… When we were little and Britt got hurt the first time, I promised to myself that I would never let anything happen to her. I didn't keep my own promise." She brokenly sighs out.

"You couldn't have known some idiot was gonna…do _that_. You are so protective about Britt, you care so much about her, she knows that. You always made her happy and made her forget about her pain." I say before taking a deep breath, "We can't help what happens, all we can do is be there for each other and help each other through it."

After a few seconds she slowly nods her head. We both don't say anything for a while, we just sit here on the floor holding each other. Santana truly is like a daughter to me, I've seen her grow up right in front of my eyes and it pains me to see how much she is beating herself up about something that was completely out of her hands.

"Have you been in her room?" I say breaking the silence between us and I feel her tensing up a little in my arms before shaking her head.

"N-no." comes her shaky response, "I'm scared."

I don't think I have ever heard her voice sound so small and it breaks my heart. I rub her back while I think over my words to say to her.

"I think you should go see her. I was scared too but she needs to know you're here. You two have had a special connection ever since the day you met and that isn't going anywhere. She deserve to know the truth." I tell her and she looks up at me. I can tell that she understands exactly what I mean with 'the truth'.

"Tell her how you feel about her. I'm not gonna fool myself or anyone, there is a chance that…"I swallow thickly and take a deep breath before continuing, "There is chance that she might not wake up… It wouldn't be fair to either one of you if you hide your feelings."

_San's pov_

I stay silent for a couple minutes while I think about everything Mr. Pierce has said to me. I know he is totally right about it all but it's hard for me to do. I have never talked about my feelings, at least not about the deeper ones.

I'd rather just burry them very deep and just try to forget and ignore them. It only did me more harm than good… It was obvious in the way things have gone the past years.

And even though the reality of things really hurt, I know he is right about Britt... I can't even think about it. My chest tightens at the thought and I take a few deep breaths to avoid another panic attack.

I know what I have to do… I have to tell Britt. This could be my last chance and she deserves to know how I feel about her, if she can hear me…

I look up at Mr. Pierce and slowly nod my head before opening my mouth, "You're right. I need to tell her, I'm just so scared to see her."

He just looks at me with his always sympathetic and kind eyes before holding me again. I press my face against his chest once again and just let his hug calm me down. I've never really been a hugger, well I wasn't a _big_ hugger but that changed when I met this family.

The only hugs that could ever comfort me were those from Britt of course, but Mr. Pierce gives great hugs too. It's just so calming and loving. I've kinda missed his big bear hugs, I never thought I would say that.

We stand up quietly a few minutes later. I take a deep breath as Mr. Pierce puts one hand on the doorknob and the other on my lower back. He opens the door and we quietly make our way towards the room B is laying in.

We stop in front of a light blue hospital room and I just stare at it. I'm once again frozen in fear. Mr. Pierce seems to have noticed that and pulls me into his side, he just holds me till I'm ready to go inside.

I let go of him and send a grateful smile to him before taking a deep breath and turning towards the door. I grab the doorknob with a shaky hand. Before I can open the door, I hear Mr. Pierce's calming voice.

"I will be right here waiting for you. I'm here."

I look back at him and nod before finally opening the door. My heart is starting to race inside of my chest when I take a few steps into the room. I keep my eyes lowered to the floor, still a little scared to look at her.

All that can be heard are the machines that are hooked up to Britt. I can hear the steady beating of the heart monitor that tells me that B's heart is beating, that she is alive…

I finally look up and can't stop the gasp that comes out of my mouth. My eyes start to water as I stare at the pale looking body in the bed. A broken sob shakes my body as I keep staring at the woman lying in the hospital bed, this can't be her. She looks nothing like my Britt-Britt…


End file.
